Nobody to Marry.... Guess why ?

Posted by Speaking Silence

I was listening to my mother describe how one of my cousin had such a hard time finding a "suitable" girl for himself. She was telling me how difficult is to even find a girl, leave alone 'suitable' girl in our community (Uttar Pradesh). And I asked her aloud "Guess why...Take a wild guess"

Boys don't have girls to marry...Guess why?? Let me tell you because girls are killed before they are born in our part of the world. I remember my uncle had the same problem. He couldn't find a match for himself. Because there is a dearth of women in Uttar Pradesh and Haryana and I think even Punjab

Isn't it shocking that these people first commit murder and then they complain that they don't have any girls around to marry off their sons. These Poor men have to venture into neighbouring states like Bihar and Orrisa to find marriageable girls irrespective of their caste(beggars can't be choosers , can they ?)They have to "buy " these brides now. Pay money to be married because most of their brides-to-be are killed and murdered cruelly before they take their first breath.

And if you ask them , they are not really sure why there is so much shortage of girl...Let them Guess Why...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2723513.stm

Do we respect ourselves as Women?

By Reeti Roy

A discussion in class today sparked these thoughts. We were in the middle of a Film Studies class when a professor that I have immense respect and admiration for began to talk about the School of Subaltern Studies. He was talking about Robinson Crusoe and he started talking about how the story is quite simple- how it is about a man trapped on an island and his adventures on that island. However, for the longest time,no one really thought of Robinson Crusoe as a manifesto of Colonialism.

Colonialism in Robinson Crusoe was thus not only naturalized but also legitimized as a Social Worldview as though it would make things better.

The more I thought about this today, the clearer things became to me. How many of us really respect ourselves as women? How many of us question patriarchy? How many of us refuse to suffer silently and speak up?

I have an example for this too. Most of my friends have at some point or the other been sexually abused. And nine times out of ten, it has been a relative who has abused them. Most of these girls would not dare to speak out about this in public. Some of them even said they had feelings of guilt. When I was abused as a sixteen year old schoolgirl (about four years ago) I had feelings of guilt. Had I dressed too provocatively? What had prompted such action? Why had I been meted out this kind of treatment? These were the questions that I asked myself, little realizing that this was the effect of years of brainwashing- an effort to make a woman feel inferior and subservient in a patriarchy. I didn't tell myself that no manner what I wore, no one had the right to even touch me without my permission.

What about forced marriages where women are burnt alive if their families cannot pay dowry? In urban India, dowries are often masked as "gifts". What happens then? Do we not have the right to choose our partners?

Before these heinous acts are eradicated, we must learn to stand up for ourselves. The truth of the matter is that as women we have become accustomed to the naturalized and legitimized worldview. We should learn to stand up for ourselves first.

Shocking comments from Sanjay Dutt, the chauvinist!

Posted by Sonia C

Hi all,

The following interview has caused an uproar. In the interview, Sanjay Dutt attacks all women who have chosen to keep their maiden names after marriage, in turn hitting out at his sister Priya who has retained her father's surname. What is infuriating is how Sanjay goes on and on about what women should and shouldn't do, praising Maanyata as she is a homemaker after marriage. No wonder the more beautiful and intelligent women he was with, divorced him and ran away. The comments at the end of the interview are very encouraging, as almost every one -- men and women -- have opposed Dutt's backward and parochial remarks. Please do read the interview and do post a comment at the end. There's also a poll about the same issue (bottom, left-hand corner). Do leave your opinion on the poll. This is indeed very disappointing that a person who was booked for criminal activity, and who still has such disrespect towards women, will be contesting elections.

Why women hate women

Posted by Speaking Silence

I could never fathom the whole concept of women hating women in India. Why do mothers kill girl-child in their womb,why married women outcast widow, why mother-in-laws burn brides, why mothers love boy-child more than girls , why do they feed boys more than girls as happen in many communities? Why do women hate each other?

How can we change, how will people change and how will the world change when women never support women. We are weak because we are alone. We have no support not even from our own sex. Why is it so ?

Sex-selective abortion are not always forced upon by husbands and in-laws , they are often done in consensus by the mother. I have seen it so many times, in my own house, in my neighbours house. I have seen it first-hand and heard it from many friends. Maybe that's the way world rules and suppress us by turning us against each other. And we all are so well-trained in it. Have you every been to a village in India? I have been to one. Village of my parents. We went there every year for 3 months and I have seen abuse and humiliation. I have heard tales of horror and tales of abortions. Women discussing how to have a male-child,women discussing how to abort if its a girl-child, women getting abortions after ultrasound. I have seen it first-hand. I don't need to see any documentary for this stark reality. I feel it in my veins. I experienced it from my own mother. Because she desired a male-child and unfortunately God never bestowed this pleasure to her. She bore three girl and I am the second one. We grew up with a huge hole , a big dark vacuum in our house. Absence of a male-child. Not that I was beaten up or starved or not given education. I was given all that just like every child in Delhi, good food and good education. But I knew the existence of this sorrow deep within my parents . I knew the stabbing pain that they harbored. I resented it but never held any grudges against them until my own child was born. A girl child. I felt that same sorrow and anger oozing out of my mother against her . She almost cursed God but I will not let this happen to my daughter.I will never let her feel that gush that my mother sends to me. I will protect her till my last breath and I will teach my child to love women. I will teach her to uphold her pride. I will teach her to stand tall as a woman .

How can a mother , a grandmother do such a thing. I feel at loss at all of this, at my mother , my community, my relative, my village and my country. What should I tell my daughter about India? That it is a land where girls are killed for being a girl. That women are raped in day-light , that girls are teased in crowd. That women hate each other so much. I feel at loss . I feel sad and angry. I feel betrayed.

Shame on our Media! Shame on Hindustan Times!

Posted by Sonia C

Dear all,

It’s 2009, and we still report rape crimes in the passive voice. What is the passive voice you say? Here’s a headline on the front page from Hindustan Times that screams sensationally, “24=year-old MBA student gang-raped in Noida”. Why not write a headline that puts the focus on the rapists and not the victim? Why not write `Ten men in Noida gang-rape MBA student’. Here, we want to ask questions about the rapists and not the victim. This is basic decency, as far as ethics go.

I think by putting that big, bold headline, all HT (and most other publications, sadly) did was to create fear among women all over India, leaving the rapists scot-free. I think HT’s editor Vir Sanghvi can shove his new fancy award up his a*** for allowing sicko headlines such as these on the front page. Read more about why `Violence against women is a men’s issue’ on this link http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/06/02/jackson-katz-violence-against-women-is-a-mens-issue.

Also, if you are as rattled as I am about this terrible incident, write to Hindustan Times and The Times of India on the following addresses.

Hindustan Times

htmetro@hindustantimes.com

mumbailetters@hindustantimes.com

The Times of INDIA

toieditorial @timesgroup.com

mytimesmyvoice@timesgroup.com

or sms MYVOICE your comments and name to 58888

Do demand that the strictest punishment be meted out to the criminals.