Asian Americans screening out girl babies

A new analysis of the 2000 Census shows that among U.S. born children of Chinese, Korean and Asian Indian parents the odds of having a boy increase if the family already has a girl or two.

The findings ‘‘suggest that in a sub-population with a traditional son preference, the technologies are being used to generate male births when preceding births are female,’’ co-authors Douglas Almond and Lena Edlund said of their findings, appearing in Tuesday’s edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

‘‘We should emphasize that our paper does not imply that sex selection is practiced by all or even most Asian-Americans,’’ they said in an e-mail response to questions. Most Chinese, Korean, and Asian-Indian parents do not sex select.

The discovery that some do, however, seems to be a new development in the United States, since the researchers didn’t find the same variance in the 1990 census, Almond, of Columbia University and Edlund of the National Bureau of Economic Research in Cambridge, Mass., reported.

Edlund and Almond said they do not know what method is being used for sex selection, but they speculated that the most common is fetal ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby followed by disproportionate abortion of females. Ultrasound has improved in recent years and is being given earlier, they noted.

Read the entire story here.


Why just Americans? Let's have a look at the Canadians too:

Evidence suggests that ultrasound ads may be targeting Indo-Canadian groups to determine the sex of their unborn babies, which in turn may lead to abortions based on sex-selection, as is happening in numerous countries throughout the world.

Two Punjabi-language newspapers, the Mississauga-based Ajit Weekly and the Hamdard Weekly, published in Toronto, New York, Vancouver, California and India, have published adds for ultrasound clinics, the CBC reports. These papers, which are distributed throughout Canada, encouraged couples to discover the sex of their unborn baby.

One ad provides a phone number for BC Punjabi as well as English speakers, who will help them to make appointments at Koala Labs, an ultrasound clinic in Blaine, Washington. According to the CBC, the ad states, "You are told the sex immediately."

Charan Gill, head of the immigrant Progressive Intercultural Community Services Society, claims that these ultrasound ads are being used to encourage sex-selection that results in female children being aborted.

Read the entire article here.

Another interesting read: Canada's Lost Daughters (pdf)


And hey, why leave UK behind?

Abortion of female foetuses has long been a part of life in Britain and The Observer has uncovered evidence that pregnant British Asian women, some in effect barred by the NHS after numerous abortions, are now coming to India for gender-defining ultrasounds and, if they are expecting girls, terminations.

The medical procedure is called partial-birth abortion. After around 24 weeks in the womb, two-thirds of a full-term pregnancy, the foetus is pulled from the mother feet first, up to the neck. The doctor then creates a hole in the skull to take out the brain, making it easier to collapse the head and take out the foetus.

'We can abort at over 20 weeks pregnant and the delivery of the foetus at that stage is difficult,' says Dr Revati Mukundan matter-of-factly in the neat offices of the Kalkaji Family Planning Clinic in south Delhi, her clipped English making the matter sound clinical and routine.

Can it get more horrific??? Read the entire report here.

Another read from UK: Britain's unwanted girls

Related reading: Indo-Canadian parents (should we call them parents?) file lawsuits when fetal DNA gender test gives incorrect results

Do not watch ...

... if you are as weak at heart as I am. This video was clearly made some time ago because at the end it mentions that 1400 female fetuses are aborted a day whereas the current figure stands at 2700 a day.



Also, an ad against Female Foeticide in Punjabi with the tag line that says "If you are not against Female Foeticide, then you are for it":

Plain Simple Patriarchy Or Religion?

Indian Homemaker writes:

Our dislike of daughters is deep rooted. It's in our culture. Next time you attend a traditional kua poojana (ceremony on birth of a baby boy); see someone fasting for their son's long life; next time you see a woman being blessed to 'doodho nahao, pooto phalo';..Next time you read/watch in our popular epics, how all powerful women are mothers' of sons (anywhere from one to about a hundred sons); next time you read/hear bhajans of baby hood of our popular male gods ask yourself; when did we ever, EVER want daughters? It's in our roots. Women in India had just one purpose, to give birth to sons! Many of them think they still have just that one use.

Even in these enlightened times a majority of Hindus are ruled by tradition and custom. Common sense is invariably overruled by tradition. We don't like change, however positive!

Believe it or not.

Killing of a woman, a Shudra or an atheist is not sinful. Woman is an embodiment of the worst desires, hatred, deceit, jealousy and bad character. Women should never be given freedom. (Manu IX. 17 and V. 47, 147)

All women are born of sinful wombs. (Bhagavad-Gita IX 32)

It seems you are not a sinner if you abort a girl-child, you'll be a sinner if you give birth to her!

Once you allow a girl child to be born she is a lifelong liability.

Woman is the source of sorrow. At birth she makes her mother weep. At the time of the puberty she makes her parents weep. At the time of the marriage she makes all her family members and relatives weep. In youth she commits lot of blunders and brings bad name to the entire family, relatives and Varna. She tortures the hearts of her parents, husband and other family members. She is called 'DARIKA' because she is source of sorrow to all. (Aithareya Brahmana)

3.) Do you dislike paying the Income tax? Why? Because you work hard for every penny you earn, yeah? What if it wasn't yours anyway?

A wife, a son and a slave, they three are declared to have no property: the wealth which they earn is (acquired) for him to whom they belong. (Manu IX. 416)

... we have no right on the money we earn; it belongs to our husbands. Don't you just respect this bit of traditional justice?

You don't care? You believe you have a mind of your own...you scored better than the boys in class? Don't let that get you wrong ideas, your place in the hierarchy is preordained:

In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead to her sons; a woman must never be independent. (Manu IV. 148)

You wonder why (mis)guided, parents insist that she must make her marriage work, no matter how unhappy she is, it is always her fault? They are guided by the wisdom of our forefathers. Wise Words!

Every woman must be loyal, faithful. obedient honorable to her husband even if he is blind, deaf, dumb, old, physically handicapped, debaucher or, gambler and neglects his wife and lives with his concubine(s). If the husband is unhappy, it would be the fault of his wife. If he cries, she should cry. If he laughs she should laugh. She can only answer humbly to his question. She should not on her own put any question. She should eat only after her husband eats. If he is beating she should not react, but fall on his feet and beg him to pardon her, and kiss his hands and pacify him. If the husband dies she should burn herself to death on his funeral pyre and go along with him to the other world and serve him there in this manner. (Padma Purana)

Excuze-meh!

She who shows disrespect to her husband who is addicted to (some evil) passion, who is a drunkard or diseased, (she) shall be deserted for three months (and be) deprived of her ornaments and furniture.
-Manusmriti, 4-78

Nearly all my domestic helpers should be deprived of whatever ornaments and furniture they have, they disrespect their alcoholic addicted husbands.They won't mind being deserted for three months or longer though...many attempt desertion themselves, but are followed by an irate Lord and Master.

You won't believe this gem I unearthed!

Day and night women must be kept in dependence by males (of their families), and, if they attach themselves to sexual enjoyments, they must be kept under one's control. (Manu XI2)

Yup it is us, females of all ages, who pinch bottoms in crowded buses!

Through their passion for men, through their mutable temper, through their natural heartlessness, they become disloyal towards their husbands, however, carefully they may be guarded in this (world). (Manu IX. 15)

Women must particularly be guarded against evil inclinations, however trifling (they may appear); for, if they are not guarded, they will bring sorrow on to families." (Manu XI. 5)

So you know why your movements are monitored and controlled...

None of the acts of women can be taken as good and reasonable. (Manu X.4)

He who carefully guards his wife, preserves (the purity of) his offspring (Manu IX.7)

Their only hope after living such depraved lives is in death, does death make them equal to the rest of the Hindus?

A virtuous woman is one who dies on the funeral pyre of her dead husband and avails the privilege of serving her husband in the other world. (Atharva Veda 18-3-1)

I was concerned about the rites (sanskaras) I would like my kids (both son and daughter) to perform, so I read this carefully.

Women have no right to study the Vedas. That is why their Sanskars are performed without Veda Mantras.

Yeah ....Right.

You might think that it is safest to not get her married?

Reprehensible is the father who gives not (his daughter) in marriage at the proper time. (Manu IX. 4)

A girl must be under the care of her father . . . in youth under the care of the husband and in old age under the care of her sons. But she should never be free and independent. (Manu V. 148)

Him to whom her father may give her, or her brother with the father's permission, she shall obey as long as he lives and when he is dead, must not insult his memory. (Manu V. 151)

The husband who wedded her with sacred mantras is always a source of happiness to his wife, both in season and out of season, in this world and in the next. (Manu V1. 53)

Men will be Men, women must be Sati Savitris.

Though destitute or virtuous, or seeking pleasure elsewhere, or devoid of good qualities, yet a husband must be constantly worshipped as a god by a faithful wife. (Manu V. 154)

What's good for the goose is good for the gander?

If anybody gives away a maiden possessing blemishes without declaring them, (the bridegroom) may annul that (agreement or arrangement)) with the evil-minded giver.
-Manusmriti, 9-73

And if you thought you could argue and prove all this wrong, read this:

Women have no right to study the Vedas. That is why their Sanskars are performed without Veda Mantras. Women have no knowledge of religion because they have no right to know the Vedas. The uttering of Veda Mantras, they are as unclean as untruth is." (Manu IX. 18)

WOW! Do Indian women accept this? Well, they don't have to, because Indian Constitution protects them from most of the rulings given by these outrageous archaic texts. And we take it easy when it doesn't really affect our daily lives.

This is so outrageous! How come no one's protesting?! Shouldn't we be screaming our lungs out?

A small group did put up a small protest.

At half past four in the evening on 25th of December, 2003, more than hundred activists representing several Dalit, Bahujan and feminist organisations assembled in front of the memorial of Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar at Chaityabhoomi, Dadar and set aflame dummy copies of the Manusmriti, Bhagwad Gita and Ramayana, condemning these texts and thus celebrated the 'Bharatiya Stree Mukti Din'

This surprise gathering focused the fact that there is a need to protest against violent Hindu Revivalist force manifested in Politics.

http://hsctruthout.stopfundinghate.org/footnotes/115.pdf

I think we should watch out for this violent Hindu Revivalist force manifesting in Politics.

"I need support": Mother who didnt abort her girls

In response to my posts - Education helped, did you say? and Is a girl better off not being born? - the physician lady, who I wrote about, wrote to me and I share this with her permission:

Hi, this is Mitu whose story you have been reading. I am living with my parents and daughters for the past 3 years. Yes, I do not want to divorce him . You know why- he has spoilt my life. My daughters will lose a father because they are girls where as what will he do? Get married again, have sons. This time the girl who comes into her life may not fight it back.

As far as fighting it out is concerned, I am taking him to the court. I have already registered case against him in the crime against women cell. I am a bit afraid of the corruption in the police and judiciary. I have asked my lawyers that if they can ensure no visitation rights for him, I am ready to divorce him today. Also, I am afraid to lose one of my daughters. You all know there is corruption in Judiciary, and according to Hindu adoption act, father is the first gaurdian of a child after 5 years of age.

Can you think of what all he can do? He can get them killed instantly after taking their custody.

I need public support before I file a case. As i told I am not afraid of living alone, I am afraid of all the corruption in the judiciary. That's the reason I have now decided to come into media. I need all of your support to save my daughters, while I file in the court. Do I have your support?

Many women in my place would not have done even what I did. They would have given under the pressure and killed thier daughters or killed themselves. I am fighting it back with the best of my capacity. Also, it is not just about giving them birth, it is ensuring they get all their rights and they do not suffer only because they are girls.

Even after divorce, I`ll stay like I am with my parents. My life wont change much. I am already living the life of a divorcee, but why should I give him the freedom to remarry, and go on with his life?

What do you say? Actually, after reading what Mitu wrote, I was left thinking that whilst a man can easily get remarried, who would marry a woman with two daughters? I have an (east-indian) friend in States who recently got divorced from her husband. She is a well-earning professional as well. However, she has a two daughters: 3 year old and 1 year old. She divorced her husband because he was cheating on her. His family didn't offer her any support either because she was a mother to girls. If she had boys, they might have stepped in. She had to move out on her own and takes care of her daughters by herself. There might be financial support from her husband because of the legalities involved but she and her daughters are practically dead for rest of the family. Her husband has remarried. However, she is having a very tough time moving on with her life because no man wants the burden of two daughters.

Any comments for Mitu? How can we support her? I will personally pass her story to as many people as I can. Shall keep updating.

Is a girl baby better off not being born?

Pallavi raised a very valid point in her comment on a previous post that perhaps a baby girl is better off not coming into this world where she's going to be detested all her life anyway. I've heard this many times before but mostly as an excuse for female foeticide especially from domestically (physically, mentally, and/or emotionally) abused South Asian women. "I don't have a great life, then why give birth to a daughter who'd suffer like me too?" I've mentioned this in a previous post as well that my answer to them always is that it's up to them that their daughters don't suffer like them!! It's up to them to give their daughters clarity of thought to know right from wrong and the strength to stand for their beliefs. I've always firmly believed that a mother herself is key factor in deciding a daughter's future. For example, if a mother is abused by her husband and in-laws, she can influence her children positively or negatively just by opting for one of the following three scenarios:

1. speak up and take a stand against the abuse
In this scenario, children will learn by example that abuse is wrong and most likely wont continue the same in their personal lives.

2. accept abuse (for she has no choice) but ensure that she tells her children of the pain and anguish she goes through and how it's not right for anyone to inflict or accept abuse
In this case, children might have a tough time dealing with the abuse at home but they would still know right from wrong and make the best choice when need arises in their own lives.

3. accept abuse (for she has no choice and she does not know better) and does not advise her children against abuse either
However, in this scenario, children are doomed from the day they are born unless they have a strong role model outside their homes.

Another important point Pallavi made is when she wrote, "What if her parents detest her life-long". 'Parents' she said, and parents include the mother too. What if a mother detests her daughter life-long? I certainly won't be surprized if I hear of a mother detesting her daughter in societies where female foeticide is rampant. A woman's worth is measured by her ability to produce sons, and she loses value and respect of her 'family' if she gives birth to a daughter. What woman would want a daughter in a society like that? Giving birth to a daughter only degrades her status (whatever she has) and gets her treated badly by everyone around. Why wouldn't a daughter be cursed by a mother who is being taunted everyday and mistreated just because she gave birth to a girl? The same mother would also happily agree to abort all her female fetuses in the future giving the same excuse: "I don't have a great life, then why give birth to a daughter who'd suffer like me too?" Merely an escapist approach.

That brings me to my next point that practices like Female Foeticide are only symptoms of deeply rooted misogyny in Indian society that WOMEN are also a party of. Low sex ratio is only an indicator of a much more serious problem: lack of value of the female sex. Other indicators include: domestic abuse of women, no importance given to health care of women, illiteracy rate among women, dowry related abuse, lack of economic independence of women etc. It's the value of a female life that needs to be worked on. Aborting female fetuses or killing baby girls is not a solution. Instead, they should be brought into the world and allowed to live to instate the point that they are just as human as their male counterparts. Mothers need to be stronger than what they are today. Men, definitely, also have to be 'enlightened' but the process has to start with women. They need to start liking themselves first of all. They need the strength to shield themselves from the negativity that is directed at them from all angles since the day they are born. They need to accept themselves as an independent entity with personal dreams, desires, wants, needs as opposed to living for and as the society dictates. I was surprized to learn how many women in India - including the educated and financially independent ones - attempt to work on their marriages even after years of serious abuse by their husbands.

I am currently in touch with a lady who I wrote about in this post: Education helped, did you say?
She is a physician herself and can live a financially independent life. Her doctor husband wants a divorce from her since she chose to give birth to two daughters instead of aborting them. He and his family have subjected this lady to much mental abuse and even threatened to physically harm her and her daughters. Even then, she says she does not want to press charges yet and wants to give her husband one last chance for the sake of giving her daughters a father. She says that as a Hindu girl, she is under immense social pressure to go back to her husband. Her views really left me astounded. How can someone who is under the threat of being killed want to go live with someone who made those threats? It is really beyond my comprehension. To top that, this is coming from a well educated lady who chose to stand for her daughters' right of life. There has to be some reason behind her stance though. It could be the 'social pressure' as she says or perhaps she still hasn't accepted reality. Whatever the reason, this woman is willing to risk her life to give her daughters a 'father' who never wanted them to even be born. Why o why? It leaves me flabbergasted.

Girls need to be born into a society like this, but these girls need to be equipped with self-belief and ability to see themselves as human beings capable of independent thinking as opposed to inferior beings who cannot self-sustain. That's where people like us come in. If we won't speak up, no one would. I, with my university education and a supporting partner, have much better chances of speaking up for the cause of a girl child than a mother in rural Bihar who is being forced into aborting her child for the fifth time in a row. If more of us speak, maybe our voices will reach her, and she'll gain the strength to speak up too. Maybe ... just maybe ... that would make a difference. Hope must never fade.

Related Reading:
Tell me what your mother taught you (written by Ketan Pandit)
Education helped, did you say?
Why give birth to a girl? (written by Vimmi Jaggi)
Potential Solutions

Moments of applause

1. Woman complains to police against husband for female foeticide

In a rare show of courage, a muslim woman of Ataiyapur village in Farrukhabad lodged a complaint of female foeticide against her husband.
Razia, who already has three children, was forced to undergo Medical Termination of Pregnancy (MTP) by her husband after an ultrasound at a local nursing home found that she was carrying a female foetus, police sources said.

I hope media gives her ample coverage that she rightfully deserves for the sake of others watching.

2. HP asks adjacent states to check female foeticide

Following information that people go to other states for illegal abortion and sex determination test to evade the law, the Himachal government would request neighbouring states to be more vigilant, Health Minister Rajeev Bindal told the House during question hour.

He said this could be the reason for the non-improvement in sex ratio in Una and Kullu districts.
The minister said the state government has launched a comprehensive awareness drive at the grass root level to educate people against the practice.

As incentive one panchayat in each district with the best sex ratio is awarded every year, he added.

The sex ratio in HP has improved from 866 females per 1,000 males in 2005 to 885 females per 1,000 males in 2006, Bindal added.

3. Chief Justice (Punjab and Haryana High Court) for joint struggle against female foeticide

While addressing a seminar on female foeticide organised by the Health Department [in Punjab], Justice Jain said: “The people of Punjab played an important role in the freedom struggle and were pioneers of green revolution in the country, but it is shameful that now Punjab has the highest number of female foeticide cases in the country.”

The Chief Justice said that he has taken it upon himself to fight against female foeticide in the state and create awareness among people against this social evil.

He said that although the PNDT Act had been framed to check the female foeticide, laws alone were not sufficient to eradicate this practice and concerted efforts were required from one and all to fight it.

About 36 policewomen and judicial officers of the state were honoured on the occasion. The Chief Justice also administered an oath to ultrasonologists of Rupnagar against sex determination tests.

Literature on Female Foeticide

Following is an excerpt from a paper written by Ms. Kamayani Bali Mahabal, a human rights and women rights activist in India:

In India female infanticide is increasingly replaced by so called more humane (but equally gendered) way of sex selection and selective abortions through the (mis)use of reproductive technologies. In regions where patriarchy is unchecked, girl children are still considered as a burden and their health and life still remain at risk Plechner (2000) argues that patriarchal states often collude with violence against women, either through acts of commission or through crimes of omission. The culling of the female unborn is an example to both patterns. The practice of sex selection has to be understood from the stand point of the deteriorating position of women.

Discrimination against the girl child has had a long history in India manifesting in son preference, decline in child sex ratio, high female mortality, female infanticide and foeticide. Patriarchal gender norms and differential gender value systems contribute to strong prejudices against the girl child, rendering women faceless, and, to the denial of reproductive rights of women and the rights of the girl child. Where earlier, people resorted to female infanticide to do away with the unwanted female child, innovations and the fast pace of change in technology has led to a transition from female infanticide to sex selection to preconception. Methods such as sperm selection are gaining prominence. It cannot be denied that the speed of technology with which female elimination takes place fuels a sense of helplessness.
( Patel: 2003)

At the same time Vina Mazumdar warned that it would be 'historically wrong to connect sex selection and female infanticide' as the present trend in sex selection is directly linked to the arrival and availability of technology. Sex selection had to be framed as a new issue. The practice of female infanticide of the past was geographically limited and restricted to certain communities. But the practice of sex selection is widespread, occurring in regions where female infanticide was unheard of, son preference was relatively low and where women were relatively better off. This is due to the act that the medical fraternity in India has been quick to see entrepreneurial opportunities in catering to the insatiable demand for a male child. Until recently, the technology was prohibitively expensive.

The ABC of Sex Selection

The three chief pre-natal diagnostic tests that are being used to determine the sex of a fetus are amniocentesis, chronic villi biopsy (CVB) and ultrasonography. Amniocentesis is meant to be used in high-risk pregnancies, in women over 35 years. CVB is meant to diagnose inherited diseases like thalassaemia, cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy. Ultrasonography is the most commonly used technique. It is non-invasive and can identify up to 50 per cent of abnormalities related to the central nervous system of the fetus. But sexing has become its preferred application.

Sex selection first became possible in the 1970s with the advent of amniocentesis technology. Punjab led the way, advertising the first commercial amniocentesis facility in 1979, the newspapers openly advertised the New Bhandari Ante-natal Sex Determination Clinics, which served to draw public attention to the spread of this phenomenon. Also used extensively in the early days of sex selection is a technique known as chorionic villus sampling. This was soon replaced from the 1980s onwards with the much less invasive and much less expensive ultrasonography. The spread of information about the technology and the easy access to inexpensive ultrasounds, sex selection, once restricted to the economically prosperous, was by the end of the 1980s a mass phenomenon. Newspaper articles highlighted the availability of mobile sex selection facilities in the small towns of Haryana.(Retherford, R. and Roy, T.K. 2003:NFHS 21) They not only offered sex determination tests but also offered immediate abortions. Today the technology is widely available in rural and urban areas.

The most disturbing evidence was presented in a study conducted by a subcommittee of the Federation of Obstetricians' and Gynaecologists' Societies of India. Out of 8,000 cases, the study reported that 7,999 were aborted when the test results showed a female fetus (Ravindra 1986:21). Another survey was done by Professor R. P. Ravindra on 1000 cases in Bombay, he could not find a single case of a male fetus being aborted, whereas 97 percent of the fetuses identified as female were aborted (Ravindra 1986:9). Finally, another set of comprehensive results was produced by Sanjeev Kulkarni , in his study where he interviewed fifty gynecologists Eighty-four percent of the doctors performed amniocentesis. Eighty-seven percent of them have been performing these tests over the last five years. On an average, 42 doctors, between them perform 271 sex determination tests per month, while 64.37% of doctors perform the tests solely for sex determination. According to 73.8% of the doctors, 51-100% of the women who come for sex determination tests belonged to the middle class. According to a big majority of the doctors, the tests are accurate in 95-100% of the cases. Most of the doctors said that the majority of the women who come for sex determination have two or three daughters. It was estimated that about 50,000 sex-selective abortions were taking place annually in Bombay by 1987. There were 250 clinics in Bombay alone and 600 in the whole state of Maharashtra (Health Monitor: 1988)

If you'd like to read this paper further, please send me a quick email at unchaahiATgmailDOTcom and I'll forward it to you (with Ms. Bali's permission). The paper is a must read if you hold this issue close to your heart.

Vaccinating a girl a waste of money

1. Girls lose out on immunity boost: if they couldn't be killed in the womb, don't get them vaccinated ... maybe they'd die of 'natural causes'.

According to figures given in the economic survey of Delhi for 2007-08, the household expenditure on immunisation per child in case of girls is less than half that in case of boys.

The trend is alarming and while officials in the directorate of health services claim that the discrepancy is limited to people from the lower socio-economic strata, doctors across the city have a different story to tell. Says Dr Sanjeev Bagai, director and head of the department of paediatrics, Rockland Hospital: "It is very unfortunate but true. Sixty years after Independence even in the more well-to-do families there is a reluctance to administer the slightly costly vaccines like chicken pox to the girl child for ‘personal' reasons. Whereas, in case of a boy there is hardly a second thought given."

2. Something that's bound to be happen often soon when there won't be many girls left: In love with same girl, man kills pal

A 21-year-old youth along with accomplices murdered his 22-year-old friend for being in love with the same girl on Thursday at west Karawal Nagar. Six of the victim's close childhood friends attacked him with knives and stabbed him to death.

3. Last but not the least, a good piece of news from the land of Rajasthan famous for its low sex-ratio: Miracle 'train' baby comes home to a grand welcome

Jodha, the brave one, is home. The miracle baby born exactly two months ago when she slipped through a moving train’s toilet bowl and crash-landed on the rocks below is being cosseted with gifts, many blessings and even some marriage proposals! Her birth is being seen here as a miracle. It was about midnight on Feb 27 when her mother Bhoori unexpectedly delivered over a toilet bowl in a moving train that was racing towards Ahmedabad in western India. The child weighing just 1.4 kg fell between two steel tracks and was found two hours later on the cold night - but survived.

Fair and Lovely err Handsome

Towards the end of last year (2007), British-Asian social activists were severely critical of Shah Rukh Khan, a leading Indian actor, for endorsing a 'fairness' cream for men in an ad for Emami.

The 40-second advertisement from India starts like so many others promoting razors or hair dye - but it's an ad with a very big difference. There's a man who has no luck with the girls. He has markedly darker skin than his friends and the girl he is after. In a real song-and-dance Bollywood extravaganza, one of the biggest heart throbs of Indian cinema, Shahrukh Khan, hands over a cream to the hapless chap, along with some mild admonishment. Within a few weeks, young man has turned much lighter-skinned and confident. As he strides down the road like a modern-day answer to John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, the girls start flocking to him and chanting: "Hi handsome, hi handsome." Khan comes back into view with the product, Fair and Handsome.

The activists claimed that Khan was not just endorsing the cream but also the age-old stereotype of fair/light skin being better than dark skin.

"The ad simply reinforces the idea that you've got to be fair to be anything in life," says Kiran, a Sikh human rights activist in West London. "It says that if you're fair and good looking, you'll be a wonderful daughter-in-law or husband, your skin colour determines how successful you'll be in life. The ad reinforces age-old prejudices."

Actress Rani Moorthy knows first hand about the prejudice suffered by Asians with darker skin. She is currently touring the UK with her play that focuses on skin colour, Shades of Brown. "When I was a child my grandmother took me to one side and said make sure you're good at something, no man will ever marry you for your looks," she says. "I knew this was because I was dark skinned. It was treated as a disease and every Friday I had to have oil baths in an attempt to lighten my skin. Deep within this 5,000-year-old culture is the thought that high ideals, nobility and high caste are associated with fair skin," she says. "Dark skin is regarded as low status and low caste."

But what chance do voices like Rani's stand against the screen presence of Shahrukh Khan?

Read the entire article here.

I understand that endorsement of fairness creams on mainstream media has nothing to do with Female Foeticide directly, but the fact that skin-lightening industry is worth at least £100m in India does. What is the connection, you ask? Connection is prejudices that we, as a society, don't seem to want to leave behind even when we are financially growing. Our economy could be well on its way to be 'globalized' but our cultural mentality is still stuck in the rut it was centuries ago. How does gender or skin color have anything to do with a person's worth? We are not only sexist, we are overtly racist (or should I say skin-colorist?) too!! Brilliant. Just brilliant.

The ad:



What say? Emami's justification for this ad is that they didn't promote skin color prejudices because they were only targeting men who were already using fairness creams. :/ Their British spokesperson said so on the British Asian TV show - Desi DNA - last night. He is one ethically conscious man, he is. Sarcasm much implied. Certainly a clever businessman though. No sarcasm implied this time.

Another one from Emami:



Despite the well known adverse side-effects of fairness creams, people still use them (even in UK) just because of some ill-judged thought that their parents/society instilled in them. Same goes for female foeticide. Despite being aware of the implications and consequences, people still continue to abort girls because of some centuries old bias. Why?

Related reading: Ekta Kapoor's Media

"What was she thinking?"

(or was she thinking?)

Alankrita shares with us an incident which, sadly, most of us can recount as well. It's about a mother aborting her daughters for they were mere girls but as soon as she had a son and her family was 'complete', status of her daughters was also elevated from daughters to children. Throughout my childhood, I've witnessed plenty such situations where not just daughters but mothers also only got some value in the household after a son was born. What amazed me and still does is that women who might be victims of forced abortions themselves also transformed into self-righteous son-bearing individuals once they had sons. These same women would then go on to become mother-in-laws forcing their daughter-in-laws to have sons. Please read on to hear Alankrita's view:

It was always spoken of in whispers. Very disapproving whispers. "She was crying when she told me. Her in-laws made her test her fetus and then forced her to abort it. It was a daughter." Whispers because the in-laws who made her abort were close relatives. Disapproving because we were the more progressive branch. The young victim was married into an extension of the family. My mother, with her college degrees and only one daughter, "One is more than enough, thank you, now mind your business" - never spoken but heavily implied - and her sisters who were content with their two daughters only families (somehow there were a lot of daughters in this part of the clan).

But there was nothing they could do to help the poor victim. All they could do is talk of her plight. There really was nothing else they could do either, lest they be accused of meddling. And somehow when it is not something you need to deal with daily, it does become a "not my problem".

I met the lady- her husband was a distant cousin- and their two daughters, even stayed in their house for a day or two. And somehow the "crying" did not ever seem to really fit in with her, I always felt. Or maybe I did not know her enough. She was nondescript. Probably would pass as good looking. Very knowing-her-place-in-the-home kind of person. Cooked, cleaned kept house and was training her daughters to do the same. The eight year old fetched water, put the dishes away from the table and was generally the model child. The two year old was more spirited – but would have the freedom slowly sucked out of her. The lady was gossipy in the way only unoccupied sitting at home women can be. That is all I remember from my first visit to them.

And then "it" happened. The spoken-of-only in-whispers-and-at-the-dead-of-the-night abortion. Which of course all of us youngsters came to know of, just as all family scandals become public knowledge- by that strange osmosis that seems to permeate these unknowables. And possibly even we discussed it amongst ourselves- I do not remember spending too much public time over it- because my cousin-confidantes did not seem to find it tragic nor even worth spending more discussion time on. But privately I did wonder about them. At first I made her out to be a tragic heroine – forced against her will to perform an abominable act of murder- helpless while the dragons of her family lashed against her (I was young and very impressionable). But soon news filtered that their next "try" had hit gold- they had conceived a son, she no longer even seemed suited for the swooning tragic role. But I kept thinking about them. The daughters . The elder one had been about 10 when her youngest sister was never born. Of course she was not told officially. But I am betting she new. Children know. She must have heard the words, understood something. I mean, can you really hide something like this? I wonder how she felt, how did the younger feel when their parent's love and attention was taken over by their baby brother. When the new upstart moved into their mother's womb and then took over their lives. Did they resent his presence? He did get more attention than they could ever think their overworked parents and doting grandparents were capable of giving. Did they feel grateful they had not been flushed away to make way for him? The mother. How could she have looked her in-laws in the eye ever again. And talked to them normally. How did she let her husband touch her, make love to her (if the act preceding reproduction in this case could be called that)? Did she pray secretly that it was ok, as she checked for signs of a pregnancy? Did she secretly curse her elder two daughters for being female?

I met them again years later. The daughters were well into their teens and the little boy one of the most obnoxious little brats I have ever met. Yes I was prejudiced, but not so against the child. He was spoiled and nasty even as his sisters had been precocious and cute- too much pampering makes little monsters- I mused. I could not help thinking, so this was what that had been all about? And his mother, the tragic heroine of my imagination, busily dissecting a mutual relative suddenly said, "Well, we care for providing both our daughters an education like people provide for their sons, after all they are all kids only".

Related reading: Opinions

Up and personal

My best mornings are when I get up to an email or two in which friends express their happiness about Unchaahi. I'd like to share one such email with you. Although I had to give it a few reads to try and understand what JJ was talking about ;p but his feelings behind what he wrote definitely can't be mistaken. Without much delay, here it is (with his permission):

hi roop

whenever i see that Unchaahi logo i feel like writing about it, but then i think how do i put across my thoughts and how would it get interpreted & analysed, and then i just look away. But now, when i miss my becky so much (she's gone to her grandparents place) i thought of writing it, come what may...

I read a lot of books on universe and astrophysics and what i have learnt most importantly from it is that this whole universe was planned to create life on earth more than anything else, and that the life of a human being was special one. To support that belief, let me give few examples..The universe started at an appropriate time and expanded at an appropriate rate, if the expansion rate had been slightly lesser the universe would've collapsed before it ever reached its present size, so says Hawking. Similarly, had the expansion rate been slightly greater, stars & planets wouldn't have born. If the nuclear force had been slightly weaker, then only hydrogen cud have formed in the universe. Had it been slightly stronger, all the hydrogen would've been converted into helium. The nuclear force therefore appears to be accurately tuned for carbon to form, which is critical for life forms on earth, writes Dr.Collins, Head of the Human Genome Project.

What I want to say is that how careful, dedicated and meticulous the God/Nature/whatever had been, in creating life and the special life form of human beings. Both man and woman make a human being. Killing any of them is against what, is anyone's guess!...a girl child is that special life form which the nature planned & created so carefully, who are we to destroy it?

If I didn't deserve my daughter, she wouldn't have taken birth through me. I feel greatly blessed that the very God/Nature chose me (as well) to to be a parent of its most precious creation! Not accepting her would've been the greatest curse I could've ever got in my lifetime.

- Jacob

If this didn't make any sense, forget it. :))

Yes, Jac, it still doesn't 'make any sense', - the physics just doesn't add up hehe - but sure ain't forgetting. ;p

Personal Angst - 2 (unedited)

This post is inspired by my spontaneous expression of angst in my personal blog after talking to a friend whose father doesn't speak to her anymore because she married out of her religion.

Why do we always try to justify our parents actions? Why did I always search for my aunty's or uncle's point of view when they told me that I needed to study hard else I won't get a good groom? Why did I always attempt to rationalize when some elder in family said, "it's tough being a parent to a girl"? Why was I blaming myself for being a girl and not those who made me feel like one? Here, I am talking of my teenage which I must admit was not short of a troubled phase. At school, friends were living a life much different than I was supposed to. I was an Indian kid err girl and had to behave like one. Like Gurpreet mentioned in her write-up, it was easier for me to list the social activities that I could do than the ones I couldn't. Indian or should I say Indo-Canadian boys my age, however, could live just like our 'Canadian' counterparts. Of course, at that age, I felt life was horribly unfair when my male cousin, a year younger than me, was allowed to go to our mutual friend's birthday dinner and I wasn't because girls are not supposed to be out after dark.

With time, I was left with no confidence in myself. Anything I wanted to do didn't seem fit for a girl. I wanted to take professional dance lessons. Girls in our families don't do that. My brother, however, would be later insisted upon to join bhangra lessons. I wanted to study a course other than medicine or engineering. It wasn't acceptable because my marital value would drop. When I told my family of my decision to not pursue my degree in medicine, they wrote me off immediately. I would no longer be marrying well. I had ruined my life. I wanted to pursue writing as a career. Well, I was already written off by now, so whatever I did now professionally, it didn't matter. I'd still be marrying an average bloke who'd be earning as much as an immigrant taxi driver anyway. What was I to feel surrounded by such negativity every day? So, I tried to see their point of view to ease my frustration. I truly did. I blamed myself for always wanting things that are not right. I remember staring at myself in mirror and wondering if there was seriously something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else ... a normal Indian girl? Why did I walk out on my good grades and a career that would assure me good money and a GOOD HUSBAND and happy family and parents? That was my teenage and early twenties ... lost in a struggle to find me whilst trying to balance my parents' happiness. I wanted them to be happy with me, but everything I wanted to do only hurt them. I worked so hard on trying to understand them and their point. I tried my best to mold myself to live by their rules just so they could be happy, but I still failed. Life just seemed to go nowhere. I was suppressing my wants to see them happy and they had already lost all hope in me. That's when husband came into my life. Miracles do happen, I hear, and now I believe. Marriage was the best decision I ever took in my life.

A year later, I finally feel a bit stronger and have some faith in myself. I finally know today what it feels like to be living without having to look over my shoulder every living moment. In the beginning of our marriage, there were times when we were out at a restaurant or someplace, and if I spotted an Indian-looking-person, I'd instinctively turn around to avoid being seen by that Indian person. Why? Well, being seen with a man in Indian community just is not 'right' for a girl. It was well drilled in my head. From that mess, today, I sit here a tad stronger person ... all thanks to the man who deserves all the love and admiration I can conjure. I no longer try to see a justification or a point behind the things that were said to me and that hurt me. There is no justification behind being told that I was bringing dishonor upon family for wanting to go out with my friends for dinner. There is absolutely no point in being screamed at that girls need to behave themselves because it is upon a girl's shoulders that the family honor lies. There is no reason for anyone to curb my freedoms of living my life as I'd like to. There is absolutely no rationale behind being called a burden that couldn't be abandoned (for I was a girl) or afforded (for I was not a 'normal' Indian girl).

I still don't know whether they were right or wrong, but I do know that I wasn't wrong. It was not my fault that I wanted to breathe without having to account to anyone for every breath I took. Why did I always try to convince myself that I was wrong? I sure was not. I was not wrong in wanting to dance. I was not wrong in wanting to write. I was not wrong in wanting to paint. I was not wrong in wanting to live.

Related reading: Personal Angst - 1

Solutions: what do you suggest?

For the last month, I've been in conversation with various NGOs operating in India to learn about the grassroots level work that they are doing. In the near future, I hope for Unchaahi to be involved in work being done in India for the cause of girl child. However, so far, I haven't had much luck in finding a project that I believe would be effective in addressing the problem at hand. So, I'm going to throw this out at you. Where do you think Unchaahi should start? Which projects can we undertake? What do you think would be effective?

I'll initiate this discussion with Indian Home Maker's suggestions:

Awareness alone will not help. They are aware, they don't care.
Since they don't want daughters because they think daughters are a financial burden, then the solution should be to make these daughters 'ghar ki Laxmi' and also empower them.

1. 30% discount in Income tax for families with one daughter, more if there are two daughters. None if the family is hell bent on having child after child, in the hope of having sons, so unless there are twins or triplets, more than two daughters no tax relief.

2. Serious discount in registration of property if it is done in the name of a female family member. Economic independence will give many women the courage to boldly object to foeticide.(if they wish to, right now they have no choice)

3. Free education for girls and reservation (I know it is a dirty word but not as dirty as foeticide) in jobs in proportion to female population. Police, IAS, IPS, medical colleges, Engineering Colleges-remember we are talking about the middle class here. Special loans (widely publicized)for women entrepreneurs. Special discount for anybody opening much needed women's hostels. Tax rebate to security agencies employing a total of 30% or more women security guards, ditto for other employment avenues for women.

4. My maid told me earlier Rs. 50,000/- given to the parents if they had a daughter. I would say this money should be given to the parents, if their daughter reaches her tenth birthday alive.

5. Big Companies can be given tax relief if 30% or more of their employees are women.

6. Regressive serials on TV, too many religious channels, too much of Talibanism in the name of Indian culture have a reinforcing effect. We do need awareness without deifying girls. Awareness should not mean just asking the parents to let the girls live, but letting women see how much they insult themselves when they agree to abort a girl. I can imagine how much (or how little) respect they get from the men in the family!

The idea is empowerment.

What do you say?

China prepares to face the consequences

In 2005, the mainland China sex ratio at birth stood at 118 females to 100 males, having already increased from 108:100 in 1981 to 111:100 in 1990. It is substantially above the natural baseline which ranges from 103:100 to 107:100. By the year 2020, there will be 30 million more men than women, according to a report by the State Population and Family Planning Commission.

The social implications are disturbing. A recent media report says that based on a Statistics Canada survey, the rate of robbery offenses for women is just 13 out of every 100,000, versus 110 for men. The same survey shows that men are seven to 10 times more likely to commit serious crimes, including robbery, homicide, sexual assault and car theft, and that women are less likely than men to re-offend or escalate their crimes.

If those figures hold true in China, visitors in 2020 may find a generation warped by a huge gender imbalance, raising questions about what one does with a society where one man in five cannot find a wife. That question appears to highlight Chinese leaders’ concerns about the one-child policy creating a demographic time bomb.

A 2006 study conducted by Therese Hesketh of the Institute of Child Health at University College London and Zhu Wei Xing of China’s Zhejiang Normal University for the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that 94 percent of all unmarried people in China aged between 28 and 49 are males, and that 97 percent of them have not completed high school. Some critics have predicted that the phenomenon of a growing number of young men in lower echelons of society who are marginalized and who have little outlet for sexual energy will lead to higher levels of anti-social behavior and violence.

Read the entire story here.

Cradle scheme: 2 views

The recently announced 'cradle scheme' is the government's solution to stem the practice of female foeticide. According to Renuka Chowdhury, Minister of State for Women and Child Development, the idea behind cradle baby reception centres is to encourage parents to leave their girl child in the care of the government - instead of killing her if she was unwanted.

The cradle or 'palna' scheme will be introduced in the upcoming Eleventh Five Year Plan (2007-2012) and implemented, in co-ordination with state governments, once the Planning Commission approves it. Under the scheme, baby girls can be dropped off at government cradle centres - akin to orphanages - that would be set up in each district in the next couple of months. Cradles will be placed at various government agencies including primary healthcare centres, hospitals, nursing homes and short-stay homes. Later, these babies would be transferred to specialised adoption agencies for rehabilitation.

The above quoted excerpt is from an article written on February 17, 2007 trying to make sense of the Cradle Scheme. Today, more than a year later, writers are still trying to make sense of government's plans. While some regard the scheme as a step forward in combating female foeticide and infanticide, others deride it as an idealistic concoction. The two views:

1. Written by a Tamil actress Khushboo

The cradle baby scheme is a good project. The mother who hands over the child is thinking about the best interest of the child. She believes the child would be placed in a better family and would receive good education and three meals a day that she can’t afford. I think it is better to leave the child on the government cradle rather than throwing her in the garbage bin, where she could be snatched and eaten by dogs. They also give you 60 days to take the baby back in case you have a change of heart. Placing the baby in adoption is better that putting the child in an orphanage.

It is important the agencies hand over the child to the correct people. They must be genuine people, who could bring up the child well. But the government’s responsibility should not end there. The agencies should report to the government saying where the child has been handed over and give periodical reports till she is 18. The government should directly follow up on the welfare of the child on a yearly basis and maintain records of each child. These records should be transparen

2. On the other hand, Mr. PC Vinoj Kumar claims to have taken the realistic approach

The image is emotionally evocative: a palna rocking outside an orphanage, while a desperate young mother tenderly places her child in the cradle, imbued with the hope that he or she will be adopted and get a better life than she can give. That’s the kind of social benefit Union Minister For Women and Child Development Renuka Choudhry also imagines she is engineering when she says that her dream project to combat female infanticide is to extend this very cradle scheme to every district in the country. Almost exactly a year ago, her ministry issued a press release stating that baby reception centres would be set up in each district. The reality, however, far from being evocative, is truly grotesque: abandoned by their parents, these children of a lesser god are then deserted by the state. Once handed over to adoption agencies, their last link with their roots is broken, since agencies are not required to keep records after adoption or fostering, or to provide regular updates to the government. Read more here.

What do you say?

Controversial Chromosomes

I remember all of us being excited in school when we were supposed to be taught sexual reproduction in Biology lessons. No one skipped the related classes. Everyone paid full attention and room was always in pin drop silence. The teacher coyly would read out the text quickly hoping that no one heard her, but of course, we did hear her. We heard her enough to learn the basics such as Male sperm is responsible for determining the sex of a fetus:

The male gametes or sperm cells in humans and other mammals are heterogametic and contain one of two types of sex chromosomes. They are either X or Y. The female gametes or eggs however, contain only the X sex chromosome and are homogametic. The sperm cell determines the sex of an individual in this case. If a sperm cell containing an X chromosome fertilizes an egg, the resulting zygote will be XX or female. If the sperm cell contains a Y chromosome, then the resulting zygote will be XY or male.

Ever since I learned that, I used my newly acquired knowledge to argue with elders who blamed and mistreated their daughter-in-laws or other women for only producing daughters. However, today, I came across a news story about a research that intends to shatter the 'scientific truth' that I've used to win many arguments. It suggests that dominant women have high levels of testosterone (often considered the male sex hormone) and are much more likely to give birth to boys. The story goes on to say:

Grant has new research published this month which, she says, puts her theory on a firmer footing and yet again turns reproductive biology on its head. What she has come up with is a mechanism that has proved (albeit in cows, which sounds odd but is considered an acceptable model) that levels of testosterone in the follicles (which produce the egg) reliably predict the sex of the embryo and, more startling, that the egg may well come out already adapted to receive an X or Y chromosome-bearing sperm. In lay terms this means that the female has already “decided” which sex offspring to have before sperm get involved.

And rest of the article takes the same dual-meaning approach as astrologers and psychics:

Anecdotally, it is always going to be easy to dismiss Grant's theory by coming up with someone who does not fit the mould. That is because most women can produce both-sex children. If you draw a normal distribution curve of testosterone, most women will fall in the middle; they have a medium amount and fluctuate from side to side across a middle line month to month, perhaps producing an egg adapted to an X chromosome one cycle, a Y chromosome the next. [...]

Because of her expertise, Grant receives e-mails from people asking her how they can produce a boy or a girl, having had three or four of the opposite sex. She is firmly opposed to family balancing. “If women conceive the sex of infant that they are most suited to raise, I would be very against manipulating the sex of the child,” she says. [...]

Grant thinks that in such cases human nature is flexible enough to adapt. “Most people could bring up a baby of either sex. It would be important only at the extremes. When it might be problematic is when parents adopt a child to achieve family balance -ie, they already have two sons, and adopt a daughter. I'm not saying that this would be a huge problem; perhaps it would simply be a mismatch between parental style and child characteristics.”

Grant admits that it is strong stuff. “I'm a scientist; if I find out farther down the line that my research doesn't add up, I'll be the first to retract it. But my current evidence supports what I'm saying”.

I must say that I haven't subjected myself to reading more wishy-washy text than this in recent times. In case you think you are missing out on enjoyment that I delved myself into, you can read the entire article here as well.

Another interesting read that actually does make logical sense:
New York Times' Sunday book review - Birth control for others

In the 1960s, the United States began to pour money into population control, pushing nations to adopt family planning as a condition of foreign aid. One result was extensive campaigns to insert IUDs, with little or no follow-up care for the many women who developed pelvic inflammatory disease and other problems. When the manufacturer of the Dalkon Shield was hit with lawsuits over dangerous complications, it offered the device at a big discount (and unsterilized) to the United States Agency for International Development, which happily shipped it abroad to be used by less litigious dark-skinned women. As Connelly writes, “Scientists and activists worldwide had agreed that high fertility was to be treated as a disease, and that birth control for nations made individuals expendable.”

Read more here.

Story of Unchaahi

It was a sunny winter afternoon during our 2007 Christmas vacation in India that husband and me decided to venture out to a Chandigarh's popular upscale market on our own. Family members did offer their company but we politely declined and chose to walk to our planned destination. After losing our way a few times, we finally made it to Sector 17: the commercial sector of City Beautiful. Sun was at its best. After having spent the previous few months in eternally overcast UK, shopping indoors (when sun was out) was the last thing on my mind. Husband, of course, was pleased to stay outside and soak up the sun rather than being dragged for my shopping pursuits. So, we got ourselves a bottle of water and sat ourselves on a bench to people-watch.

Only about a minute after we had sat down, I felt a tug on my arm. I let out a startled shriek only to find an equally frightened pair of eyes looking up at me. "Are you ok, hun?", I asked in Hindi. She nodded in affirmative, and her face had a change of expression from fear to comfort. She smiled at me with ease, and narrated the well-rehearsed line that I'd heard many times before from a variety of little mouths; "Sister, can I please have some money to feed my grandmother?", she pleaded while tugging on my arm. Normally, I would've given her a few Rupees and let her go, but I wanted to know her more. Perhaps it was touch of her small hands on my arm, or it was her smile that captivated me, but I wanted to talk to her more.

"How old are you?", I asked her. She paused to think. "Seven", she answered after much deliberation. "Seven?", I wondered out aloud. She did not look older than three or four years. She nodded her head vertically and said, "Yes, seven". "And what is your name?", asked husband. Without wasting a moment, she promptly replied with her signature smile, "Unchaahi".

My heart skipped a beat, mind went blank, and world around me ceased to exist for that one moment. "Nay, she couldn't possibly have said Unchaahi", I reassured myself, "how can parents name their child Unchaahi?" Confident that I had heard wrong, I turned to look at husband for support of my deduction. He stared at me blankly, and then at the child who still had her hand on my arm and was smiling at us gleefully. Hesitantly, I asked her to tell us her name again. This time, I strained my ears and eyes to read lip movement only to hear and read what I was hoping against: Unchaahi.

A moment of shock passed. I couldn't dare to ask her any more questions. I didn't know whether she knew what her name meant and I didn't dare to ask her either. I sensed that husband felt the same. We quietly asked her if she wanted an ice cream. She did. She chose butterscotch and happily put the money we gave her in her polythene bag while licking the ice cream hurriedly. Thanking us, she ran off into oblivion and left us two changed people. I no longer wanted to enjoy the sun. Neither did husband. We walked home in silence.

I was aware of girls being treated as burden in India before this incident. I was also aware of the prevalence of female foeticide but I still wasn't prepared to face reality. My next few days in Punjab took me to its villages to visit family and friends. That's where my next series of shocking realizations unfolded. In the villages where every couple used to have a child within first year or two of marriage, newly married couples were now waiting, and strangely, majority of families had a son as their first child and, some, an only child. Caretakers of our house in the village, however, have two young daughters: 3 year old and 1 year old. I talked to their mother. She expressed her regret to me for having given birth to her daughters, and not having enough money to get them aborted like everyone else in the village. I didn't know whether to feel sorry for her, her daughters, or the sorry state of society. At least she hadn't named her daughters 'Unchaahi'.

Upon our return to UK in mid-January, I started my research online on Female Foeticide. More I dug into the facts, more I realized how drastic the situation really is. Finally, this blog was initiated on February 21, 2008. The journey thereafter is recorded on this blog. Unchaahi, the blog, was started as and still is an instrument to create awareness about the need of valuing our girl children. As time progresses, Unchaahi intends to develop as an organization of volunteers who are willing to dedicate some of their time and money towards the cause of girl child so that she doesn't have to be named Unwanted (unchaahi).

I thank you for your support.

Regards
Roop

Kudiye kismat kudiye ...

This blog would be incomplete if I didn't mention Gurdas Mann's song Kudiye. Everyone has an experience, an incident, a song, a film, or a book that they'd label as their 'defining moment'. The song Kudiye was one such moment for me. I had already lived a couple of years over two decades of my life when I first heard the song. First listen had me in tears. Second still had me in tears. Third and consecutive listens left me stronger and my loneliness began to dissipate. Instead of finding someone to blame for the unfairness I felt I was being subjected to just for being a girl, I now wanted to help those in situations far more unfair than mine.

That was the beginning ... and today, it brings tears to my eyes when I see Unchaahi evolving, and growing into a force that might be instrumental in getting a girl child some love that she so rightfully deserves. I thank you all for your ever-growing support to me for I am just a means. If you read this blog or contribute to it, it is only because you care. I am only a minimal part of this equation. All of us collectively have a dream, and who's to say that it won't be realized.

The song Kudiye (translation follows the video):



Kudiye kismat kudiye, tainu inna pyar deyaan
Apne hisse di duniya mein taithon vaar deyaan
Girl dear girl, I'd give you so much love
I'd sacrifice my share of world for you

Tu jammi taan maape kehn paraayi hain dhiye
Sauhre ghar vich kehn begaani jaayi hain dhiye
Kehre ghar di aakhaan, ki satkaar deyaan
Apne hisse di duniya mein taithon vaar deyaan
When you're born, your parents say that you are someone else's
At your in-laws place, they say that you were born to someone else
What house should I dare say that you belong to?
I'd sacrifice my share of world for you

Ik dhobi layi seeta ma nu raam visaar gaye
Jooye vich drauptiye tainu paandav haar gaye
Jee karda apni kismat tainu haar deyaan
Apne hisse di duniya mein taithon vaar deyaan
Raam mistrusted Sita and walked out on her
Paandav also lost Draupati in a gamble
I wish I could lose my kismet to you
I'd sacrifice my share of world for you

Please contact me at unchaahi AT gmail DOT com if you'd like me to translate rest of the song as well. Also, if you have a better translation than what I managed, please email it to me, and I'll promptly upload it.

"I wanted to be born as a boy!"

Gurpreet Wasi shares with us a starkly honest and thought-provoking account of her initiation to motherhood:

I got married very late and with almost a decade of a difference between my husband's age and mine, he was very eager to start a family immediately.

I of course couldn't care less and wanted to enjoy every bit of my new found freedom that one simple act of walking out of my father's house had brought into my life. Right from chopping off my hair to late nights to traveling the world to wearing whatever or nothing at all, I was loving it all. And then suddenly one fine Sunday afternoon in the year 2001, I discovered the party was over and that I was pregnant.

I felt none of the celebrated euphoria of discovering motherhood. Instead I was confused, panic stricken and unhappy. Specially when from size 8 I started graduating upwards to monstrous proportions. The only thing that brightened up my days was the thought of a little boy with whom I would play football in the park, go chasing crows and squirrels and do all those wicked things that little boys do. I just could not imagine bringing up a baby girl. Pink and pretty things, dolls and preening was just not my kind of thing.

In my final months of pregnancy, the doc pointed to a dark bundle on my ultrasound and said that the baby was scratching its bum. I was elated ! its got to be a boy who goes scratching his privates and I pictured a rowdy crop of hair and pug nose as they pushed down the spinal injection before I was ready to be cut open. When I woke up my husband was peering over my face with an expression of such delight that I have no words to explain till date. He had a plump, pink baby in his arms and he whispered 'Its a girl". I felt a pall descend and I felt anger. frustration, disbelief. I had lived each day of the last few months with that pug nosed boy who looks like mowgli. It took me days to come to terms with the fact that it was a daughter I was going to bring up.

My husband was shocked by my reaction. He understood it as a 'typical' reaction where most women in India desire to bear sons. He was ashamed that I unabashedly admitted to all and sundry that I was disappointed to have a daughter. Six years down the line I am madly in love with my daughter and my world revolves around her. Three years ago my son was born and I knew it beforehand that it was a boy ( my doctor told me happily but discretely in my fifth month of pregnancy and it still is very easy to know !) I had hoped against hopes that it would be a second girl. My daughter has brought such love, kindness, honesty and goodness in my life that I cannot imagine a life without her. I used to fantasize of having two girls in our house and how full my life would of company as we discover the pleasures of their growing up into womanhood.

In retrospect, I often think about my initial reaction before Ruhi was born and I wonder why I did not want a girl. Was it just because I hated cute pink stuff and girly wiles ? Or was it because I had grown up frustrated by my luck of having been born a girl ? Because I could never do the stuff my brothers did ? Because of the "don'ts" I lived with for my being born a girl ? No late nights, no outstation trips, no competitive exams, no MPhil if its another city or hostel, no short skirts, no open hair, no boys, no make up, no hockey, no cricket.......I could fill up the entire universe with them.

Because when I dreamt of a happy childhood I could only imagine little boys. Perhaps that is why I struggle and strive to give my daughter the best any girl can receive in terms of opportunity and exposure. Another story though that she loves Pink Frilly dresses and make up !

But I know it for sure that she loves being a girl unlike her mother who always forever wanted to be born a boy!

First Animated film on Female Foeticide

When I read this story about Mr. Hardeep Singh Gill winning acclaim for his animated movie on Female Foeticide (first in India), I gave his office (Pumpkin Academy of Digital Arts) a call to ask whether I could get a copy of the movie. My call was promptly forwarded to Mr. Gill, and he immediately replied to my request in affirmative. Not only that, he also offered me his support if I ever needed it in the future for Unchaahi. A thorough gentleman Mr. Gill is the chairman and managing director of PADA that specializes in providing world class training in 3D Animation, Computer Graphics and VFX. The Academy, located at Rajouri Garden in New Delhi, is the biggest of its kind in the country.

With Mr. Gill's permission, I am uploading the much praised film in this blog post. The film earned critical acclaim from leader of opposition in India's Lok Sabha L.K. Advani [when it] was screened at Vigyan Bhavan, New Delhi, during a seminar on female foeticide in New Delhi.

Touted as the first animated movie based on the issue plaguing the entire nation (female foeticide), the 1 min 20 sec movie has been able to convince the some people of New Delhi to fight against the social evil.

Designed by Gill, who hails from Jamshedpur, the movie has been chosen by the Punjab governor and senior administrative officials to be telecast on leading television channels, in theatres and public places in Punjab.



Please leave your thoughts about the video. Alternatively, you can also email PADA at infoATpumpkininteractiveDOTin.

Government action

1. Punjab, Haryana step up to end female foeticide

A novel scheme to end female foeticide in Punjab and Haryana and to improve female literacy is on the cards, for which funding would come from the Centre. Punjab has male-female ratio of 1000:798, while Haryana has the male-female population ratio of 1000:819 according to the Census department. Alarmed at the disparity, the two states have asked the Centre to fund a scheme, which would give a boost to education of girls in these two states.

2. Women empowerment a priority for the Himachal government

To improve female sex ratio, the government has decided to act tough on sex determination cases and check female foeticide. Regular checks at various clinics have resulted in affirmative action and many ultrasound machines have been sealed for want of proper staff and violations of Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques (PNDT) Act laws. Awareness campaigns to change the psyche of the people and incentives to rear the girl child are being offered for poor and below poverty line (BPL) families.

3. Karnataka State Human Rights Commission Chairman S R Nayak for stringent law on female foeticide

Expressing concern over the rise in female foeticide, Karnataka State Human Rights Commission Chairman S R Nayak called for making the existing law more stringent.

"It is disappointing and disgusting to know that discrimination against women starts from the womb itself. The advances in medical sciences are now used to know the sex of the foetus, which is inhuman", he said.

Journey from a maid to a writer

Another encouraging story to follow up the previous:
In India, a Maid Becomes an Unlikely Literary Star

Abandoned by her mother at 4, married off at 12 to an abusive husband, a mother herself at 13 — there is little in Baby Halder’s traumatic childhood to suggest that she would become an emerging star on India’s literary horizon.

A single parent at 25, struggling to feed her three children by working as a maid for a series of exploitative employers, Ms. Halder had no time to devote to reading or to contemplating the harsh reality of her existence until she started work in the home of a sympathetic retired academic, who caught her browsing through his books when she was meant to be dusting the shelves. He discovered a latent interest in literature, gave her a notebook and pen, and encouraged her to start writing. “A Life Less Ordinary,” this season’s publishing sensation in India, is the result of her nighttime writing sessions, squeezed in after her housework duties were finished, when she poured raw memories of her early life into the lined exercise books.

Read further here.

A true story ... of hope and determination

Submitted by Pushpa Moorjani

This is a true story of a woman, Shalini, who would help me cope with
my housework

When I lived in Spain, what I hated most was doing the odd jobs at
home like sweeping, swabbing, dusting or washing clothes. Therefore,
when I returned back to India, I started to enjoy the comfort of a
helper which is easily available in India' I appointed Shalini to help
me clean my house.

Shalini worked in my house with a salary of just Rs500. Having her
help in the house was a blessing I enjoyed and I was kind of living in
luxury. She worked in four different houses in my building, doing the
same job, over and over again, and seven days a week. I would ask her
to take a day off and she would refuse telling me that she would be
bored at home. Every evening, she would come to my house and make me a
cup of tea, and while she and I sipped the tea together, she would
relate to me the stories of her life and her family.

Shalini had no husband and her family had cheated her out of the
family property and she had been forced to work as a housemaid,
because she was not educated nor qualified to do any other work. She
had one daughter, Rupa, whom she would take with her everywhere
because she did not trust the neighbor for her daughter's safety.

While she worked, Rupa would sit and watch her mother do cleaning and
swabbing at other people's houses.

One day, Shalini's employer suggested that she educate her daughter,
because she felt that her daughter was very pretty and education would
do her good. On the insistence of her employer, she enrolled Rupa in
the municipal school. Rupa would be seen following Shalini with a book
in her hand. Rupa would get help in her studies from the children in
the building, all the used books, and clothes were passed on to her
from Shalini's employers.

Rupa started to enjoy the attention she was getting from all people in
the neighborhood and she took more interest in her studies and was
getting good result. Years passed, Rupa grew up, educated and
graduated. Shalini would tell me the stories of how people had helped
her financially to get her daughter educated and how proud she was of
her pretty, educated daughter.

One day, she told me that Rupa had got a good job, she didn't know
where her daughter was working but she said that she had started
working in some office which was open all night and she had comapany
transport at her service. I guessed it must be some call centre. While
her daughter lived in style, she was still travelling by bus and doing
menial work.

For next six months, she would tell me about her daughter earning good
salary, and improving her standard of living. First came, radio with
stereo, then telephone, 24 inch TV, sewing machine, furniture and then
washing machine....and she told me that her daughter wanted her to stop
working as house maid, as she was making enough money to support her.
But Shalini was a proud woman and she didn't want to live on her
daughter's expense, so she continued to work in four houses, doing the
same drab work that she had been doing for 25 years. Her own clothes
were washed in the washing machine at home, while she washed people's
clothes at work.

I would wonder if her daughter was proud of her mother for getting her
educated or was she ashamed of her mother, doing the menial work and
earning only ten percent of her daughter's salary.

She was a very good maid; she worked hard and was very honest. Many
other employers did not want her to leave them. They were afraid they
would not be able to replace her and therefore they discouraged her
for their own selfish comforts. They were happy that she was a self
respecting woman who did not want to live on her daughter's expenses.
I ask her to leave the job and rest at home and tried to explain to
her that she deserved to live comfortably because she had made an
effort to educate her daughter but she would not listen, telling me
that she would be bored at home. Her daughter got married and forced
her to stay with her and it was her son-in-law who finally cajoled her
into leaving the job and start enjoying the comfort in her old age.

I lost a good maid but I was happy that her efforts had paid off. She
visits me sometimes, and I feel happy to see her proud smile and glow
on her face when she lovingly talks about her daughter's success.

And now the good news

Khabar Lahariya, [a newspaper] run by Dalit and Kol women, has emerged as a truly rural newspaper that is read and respected by all sections of society in Chitrakoot [in UP].

[It] began as an experiment in 2002, aided by Nirantar, a resource centre for gender and education. It is based in Chitrakoot district, one of the 200 poorest districts in India, where there is practically no industry and the majority of people survive on rain-fed agriculture. Literacy rates are lower than the national average; female literacy is only 35 per cent. The sex ratio is also below the national average, only 872 women to a 1,000 men. Incidents of sexual violence are high and the justice delivery system barely functions as criminal gangs operate with impunity under the nose of a complacent and often complicit administration.

Against this background, a group of Dalit and adivasi women felt the need to start and run their own newspaper because the existing media in the area did not report on the issues that concerned them. They wanted to break the stereotype that lower caste women like them would not dare enter the public domain. Despite their lack of education, they wanted to prove that they too could be journalists.

Read rest of the story here.

News round-up March 22, 2008

1. India's debt-ridden farmers committing suicide: Dowry still an issue

In Umbarkhad, a small village located less than a mile from the Atthre farm, Parshram Athari plies the 5-acre grape farm where he grew up. [...] About 15 years ago, his farm produced 26,000 pounds of grapes per acre. These days, an acre yields about 11,000 pounds, and production costs have quadrupled. A hefty share is spent on fertilizers, whose harsh chemicals deplete soil nutrients, making it more difficult to regroup when a crop is lost to drought. A tractor sits idle, a rusty relic from better days. Athari also worries that he won't have enough money to send his eldest daughter to a good university or pay for her dowry when she marries.

2. Dowry demand leads to ANOTHER woman's death

A 25-year old girl was allegedly burned to death at her in-laws house in Chennai after repeated requests for a dowry of Rs 25 lakh was not met by the family.
Supriya, a native of Rajasthan, had married a Chennai-based jeweler Nirmal in April 2006.
Supriya's family alleges that Nirmal and her sister in law, Tara, often harassed her for not meeting the dowry demand, and on Wednesday she was burnt to death.

Breaks my heart. How can anyone ask for dowry? Really, how? And burn a poor girl alive because her parents couldn't pay money for the favor groom's family did by marrying her? To top it all, her SISTER-IN-LAW's involved. Shame.

3. Hema Malini to protest female foeticide through a 15 minute dance video with her daughters Esha Deol and Ahana Deol

Actress-MP Hema Malini, who once ruled Bollywood as its ‘Dream Girl’ and is known to live life on her own terms, is all set to launch a 15-minute dance video against female foeticide and says women must be made more aware of their rights. “Female foeticide, domestic violence and dowry are the three biggest problems that the women of our country face today. I feel very sad when I hear about the killing of female foetuses,” Hema, who has two daughters, told IANS.

“Since I am an artist, people come to see my dance and if I start lecturing them about female foeticide they might not listen to me. So I thought why not convey the message through dance. And we (Hema and her daughters Esha and Ahana) started working on a video condemning killing of female foetuses." The video is likely to be launched next month.

4. Make more movies like 'Dor': Renuka Chowdhary

If the minister of Women and Child Development Renuka Chowdhury has her way, Bollywood will be making more movies such as “Dor” which shows the struggle and then the victory of two women and actor John Abraham will be campaigning against female foeticide. “Films are such a strong medium to reach out to people with important messages and convince them to do something. Look at Nagesh Kukunoor’s movie ‘Dor’. [...] “If a Bollywood heartthrob like John Abraham says don’t kill the girl child and respect women, people will listen to him. Youngsters have to be told, in their language, that it’s cool to stand up for the women folk.

5. Heroines continue to be the same Barbie dolls: Mahesh Bhatt

Inspite of the so-called cultural changes which have taken place in the last two decades or so, the heroine continues to be a kind of non-person on the Indian screen. The reason for this is because the ‘changes’ that you see are merely cosmetic ones. Deep within, our heroines continue to be the same Barbie dolls that they were all those years ago, who go through the motions of loving, living and marrying. All that really changes is the clothes.