Knot Nice!

Hi all,

Take a look at this piece that appeared today in Mumbai Mirror. It talks about how a new bride should behave in her new home and adjust with her in-laws. There's not a single word or sentence about what the husband and in-laws can/should do to make the new member feel at home. If you thought Ekta Kapoor and k-serials were regressive, take a look at this sample of an article with advice by one Uttam Dave. While I have nothing against adjusting with husband and in-laws, it's the one-sidedness that bothers me. And the blatant encouragement to girls to turn into self-sacrificing deities once they are married.

Please write to the editor at mirrorfeedback@indiatimes.com telling them what you thought of the piece. And pls do past a copy of your sent letter in the Comments section. Below are some of the "tips" from this precious article.

The Article -- Excerpts reproduced (my light-hearted comments in red ink)

In the Indian context, the onus for overall adjustment in life always lies largely with the woman. This is the reason why most of the counselling at the pre-marital stage is targeted at women. Unfortunately, most Indian men still do not gear up and take the required initiative in this area. Some do it willingly after their emotional needs are met by the wife.

The advice:

Let the husband spend time with his family members and don’t be over possessive. Love for your partner can often breed jealousy and malice towards your in-laws, especially if he’s close to his mother. Make it a point to overlook small lapses made by the in-laws and try to understand them as human beings.
(Sigh, your husband is a typical Indian patidev who forgot his spine with his brains behind his mother's petticoat. His mother will control him shamelessly and instead of airing your protest and requesting your rights as his wife, it's better if you just plain shut up.)

Every household has its own distinct culture and adapting to it and enriching it should be the sole aim. Making constant comparisons with your biological family is another folly.
(Ladki is paraya dhan. They don't just say that. Forget your parents, your background, and your identity. No room for your thoughts to be respected or incorporated here, just be a docile doormat, and well, watch saas-bahu serials for inspiration on being the ideal bahu/bhabhi).

Be eager to learn from your mother-in-law’s experience about everything – management, babysitting and cooking.
(Yes, she can't stop putting you down to calm her own damn insecurities, but grin and bear it. Even compliment her and stroke her ego. Let the humble doormat be your inspiration, even heard it complain?)

Avoid competition with your sister-in-law, mother-in-law or any other member of your age. Being in a family essentially means co-operation and a genuine effort to feel happy in others’ happiness.
(Yesyes, but never expect these nice, thoughtful gestures from the in-laws. Tsk tsk, this advice is only for you, my girl. Pray that you get a son and you can also be the domineering mother-in-law someday!)

Small gestures like serving tea smilingly in the morning, remembering your father-in-law’s medicine-taking timings go a long way towards fulfilling their emotional needs and endearing you to them.
(What's that? What about your emotional needs? Oh, please scroll upwards for the doormat example. Any more questions? I didn't think so! )

Try to control your anger and temper tantrums even if you feel the need to complain to your husband.
(No, who told you that you could be a regular human being with normal feelings? And that it's your husband's responsibility to look after you, just like you look after him? Why you want to bother the poor, tired soul with your problems? Just bottle them up inside you and take it out on your daughter-in-law when your time comes. So simple!)