"I need support": Mother who didnt abort her girls
In response to my posts - Education helped, did you say? and Is a girl better off not being born? - the physician lady, who I wrote about, wrote to me and I share this with her permission:
What do you say? Actually, after reading what Mitu wrote, I was left thinking that whilst a man can easily get remarried, who would marry a woman with two daughters? I have an (east-indian) friend in States who recently got divorced from her husband. She is a well-earning professional as well. However, she has a two daughters: 3 year old and 1 year old. She divorced her husband because he was cheating on her. His family didn't offer her any support either because she was a mother to girls. If she had boys, they might have stepped in. She had to move out on her own and takes care of her daughters by herself. There might be financial support from her husband because of the legalities involved but she and her daughters are practically dead for rest of the family. Her husband has remarried. However, she is having a very tough time moving on with her life because no man wants the burden of two daughters.Hi, this is Mitu whose story you have been reading. I am living with my parents and daughters for the past 3 years. Yes, I do not want to divorce him . You know why- he has spoilt my life. My daughters will lose a father because they are girls where as what will he do? Get married again, have sons. This time the girl who comes into her life may not fight it back.
As far as fighting it out is concerned, I am taking him to the court. I have already registered case against him in the crime against women cell. I am a bit afraid of the corruption in the police and judiciary. I have asked my lawyers that if they can ensure no visitation rights for him, I am ready to divorce him today. Also, I am afraid to lose one of my daughters. You all know there is corruption in Judiciary, and according to Hindu adoption act, father is the first gaurdian of a child after 5 years of age.
Can you think of what all he can do? He can get them killed instantly after taking their custody.
I need public support before I file a case. As i told I am not afraid of living alone, I am afraid of all the corruption in the judiciary. That's the reason I have now decided to come into media. I need all of your support to save my daughters, while I file in the court. Do I have your support?
Many women in my place would not have done even what I did. They would have given under the pressure and killed thier daughters or killed themselves. I am fighting it back with the best of my capacity. Also, it is not just about giving them birth, it is ensuring they get all their rights and they do not suffer only because they are girls.Even after divorce, I`ll stay like I am with my parents. My life wont change much. I am already living the life of a divorcee, but why should I give him the freedom to remarry, and go on with his life?
Any comments for Mitu? How can we support her? I will personally pass her story to as many people as I can. Shall keep updating.
Labels: education, Female foeticide, Open discussions
posted by Roop Rai at
5:17 AM
7 Comments:
I know of another girl who refused to divorce her husband for the same reason.If she lived in hell, she did not want him to remarry and go on living as if nothing had happened. Eventually the guy came back to her, he loves his daughter (they had one daughter)and claims he is extremely proud of the way she did not let him make the biggest mistake of his life, he says he respects her for her courage. I don't know if he means it, but they are together now.
All the best to Mitu, she is a brave girl and I agree she should NOT divorce him. She should also make sure that his daughters get their share from his property, even if he does marry again and has a few sons.
By
Indian Home Maker, At
March 30, 2008 at 9:13 AM
Definitely gave me a new perspective.
By
Roop Rai, At
March 30, 2008 at 10:17 AM
Where is Mitu based? It might be a good idea to get a clear understanding of what Mitu can and cannot do under the law!YOu canreply me on my personal id.
By
k10, At
March 31, 2008 at 12:29 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
By
mini, At
March 31, 2008 at 5:41 AM
I guess Mitu needs to start working. Yes, there is corruption, there is stumbling blocks everywhere in our society for a single mother but the entire country is not inhuman. She needs to be extremely assertive and bring up her daughters not as fragile coy individuals but strong and brave entities. That comes from financial independence.
By
Antara Banerjee, At
April 1, 2008 at 3:38 AM
Yeh, Antara, that's exactly what we talked about yesterday when I spoke to M on phone.
By
Roop Rai, At
April 1, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Well ‘revenge’ is not always a good idea if it destroys us in the process. If Mitu does not get a divorce – she’ll be stuck to this jack-ass for life – and he’ll keep trying to destroy her life and her girls (I don’t think he is even conscious he has daughters!). And true the law in our country – as well as the police are corrupt and inept – but I think it is still the wiser route to follow to get ‘justice’ done. The law is in Mitu’s favor, and if she can focus on that she can try to use it to her best advantage, and to make a social statement which could then help other women in her situation. And if after this – Mitu wants to get married again (to a decent man this time) – she only has to believe in it. Ultimately, Mitu salvage her life and that of her daughters and live it well – now that would be the best revenge!
By
Rita B, At
May 1, 2008 at 1:18 AM
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